Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Dating, sexy young women and older men

A provocative post just for a change!

Two things have really perked me up over the past few days. On the first day of the Trek, my group and I came across a Maasai village. There we met a 17 year-old young woman whose husband is 69 years old. Arranged of course but hey, so what.
And in today's Times2, agony aunt Bel Mooney gives advice to a 29-year old woman whose fallen for a 56-year old man. She concludes her article with the words below (which I'd love to see rammed down the throats of certain individuals in my part of the world). Look, I maybe nearer 56 than 36, but I'm lively for my age and would love to meet someone around 33-39 or even younger, but some of the attitudes out there amongst the fairer sex of a particular age, sometimes beggars belief.
As a typical example, I was given the cold shoulder by some princess a few years back. She said to a friend about me that she didn't want to marry me and possibly become a widow in her early 60's. She's 10 chronological years younger than me.

Here's the final piece of Bel's piece.

"I know there are people reading this who will think that I should counsel you to run a mile, and certainly(to be honest) I should prefer my daughter not to date a man 27 years older. But were she to fall in love with such a man - and he proved to be loving, kind, steady warm and intelligent - I would counsel myself to think the quality of his spirit more important than the numbers of years on his clock".

Now how many of my women blogger friends agree with Bel I wonder?

Let's ask Ellee, Tisha, Julia Buckley, Stef, Welshcakes, Strumpette, Michelle Tempest and the exotic Jennifer Jones


Raedwald said...

Ah, given that Bel's ex-hubby left her for a woman 30 years younger, that comment is generous indeed.

Just from a blokish perspective, age is not as important as a true meeting of minds. I know couples with a wide age gap but emotionally and intellectually they're as one. On the other hand, the professional middle aged man with a curvacious but cerebrally-challenged bit of totty on his arm is nothing more than a figure of fun.

Jeremy Jacobs said...

Agreed. A meeting minds is the most important thing. Michael Cain was on the telly a few months back. He said, and I'm paraphrasing here, "find your equal".

Julia Buckley said...

Well, my boyf's 8 years older than me, so I wouldn't think a 10 age gap would be an insurmountable problem - depends on how young the younger person is though.

The problem with age gaps really is when it causes inequality - either with the older person thinking they get to be dominant over the younger one, or the younger one doing whatever they like because the older is so lucky to have them.

Also, young people are often much more vulnerable and naive than they think - and so I'd be wary of advising anyone below their mid-twenties say, to go with someone a lot older. But most of us have usually figured ourselves out by the time we reach 30!

One other thing. I find it really amusing to look through the personal columns. So many people (usually men) who put ads in say they're looking for someone between up to ten years younger than themselves, but only a year or two older! Are these the same people who argue that age doesn't matter once they've bagged their younger partner, I wonder?

Julia Buckley said...

Sorry, after rambling on for ages I just realised you were asking my opinion on the Bel Mooney thing...

If she's 29 I think she's old enough to make her own mind up.

You can't generalise with this kind of thing really can you?

Anonymous said...

I love older men... ones well established with sprawling countryside estates with a family history of heart disease and no kids.


- Amanda

Jeremy Jacobs said...


Depends on your maturity.

Jeremy Jacobs said...


I just love you

James Higham said...

Don't want to be a wet blanket or anything but I'm going to be. Of course it's simply pleasant to be surrounded by young girls, as it's my job to be - yesterday 56 of them, today 19.

17 to 21 can seem beyond resistance and many of these speak with a sort of wisdom and maturity well beyond their years but it is illusory.

I say this from bitter experience. Many years ago I tried twice with two I met in London [It was in my book no longer in my sidebar].

Even if he is highly energetic, even if she likes some of the music he does, there's still a gap of experience which puts her into a subordinate position and no matter how much he wants, he can't alter that.

Young girls may not now but will inevitably think of children. What then? They have to make the errors which we've already made long ago.

And there is a different rhythm of living. Plus our sexual prowess. Viagra will not compensate for simple ageing, no matter how great a lover we are.

There's nothing wrong with an age difference if it's maybe 49 and 34. A 34 year old woman is ultimately more satisfying, more enriching.

Just my opinion.

Jeremy Jacobs said...

Of a 56 year-old can have children with a 29 year-old nothing wrong with that at all but a 56 year-old fathering children with a 34-38 year old would be a better bet.

On this we seem to agree.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

I think love "falls where it falls" and you can't help who you fall in love with. [And boy, do I know about this!!] Sometimes the most unlikely partners make a go of it. I also think that arranged, but not forced, marriages can work well. Having said that, as I've said on James's blog today, some age differences may be just too much. Then it's the older, more vulnerable partner who's likely to get hurt - in western culture, anyway. I think that if you in a secure, safe relationship you shouldn't go around judging others because how can you know what it's like out in the cold? Good luck to all who believe in love, I say!

Colin Campbell said...

Whatever floats your balloon Jeremy. I wonder how I would feel as a parent however if my daughter someday chose somebody closer to my age? Very personal decision that love thing.

Anonymous said...

I am a 50 year old man and I started dating a younger women and it just happened she was 19 at the time I was 47 we had fun and did many things but it wasnt right and no matter how you try to make it right it just didnt work. I did try to make it work and the thing that was the worst is I fell in love with her and it wasnt sex we really didnt get into that we were great friends for a long time and we were very much a like but she wasnt ready to settle down and like to party to much so it wasnt meant to be. We are still friends but we dont date we just keep in touch and go have coffee sometimes to catch up it may work for some guys but I found out that its not my style maybe we all have to go there to figure that out.

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