Heathrow Airport Disaster

So Margate FC pitched up at NotquitesoShortLane this afternoon, hoping to pick up 3 valuable away points against a team called Ashford Town(Middx.) - who actually play in Stanwell not far from that dirty "Ali G" hole - Staines.

Ashford Town (who play in bizarre tangerine & white stripes) have a ground that is situated about 900 yards south of the main runway at Heathrow Airport. Immediately behind one of the goals is a fuel depot(see above pic) and fans can enjoy the whiff of those lovely aircraft exhaust fumes on most match days.
In fact, Ashford's miniscule home fanbase were heard chanting today "we are, we are, we are the negative carbon boys, and if you are a Margate fan can you give us a lift, we need some fresh air, fresh air" or some such bollocks like that.

After a frustrating first half an hour, normal service "resumed" when Danny Hockton smashed home a penalty. Moments earlier he had, himself, been brought down by the Ashford goalie, a slimey individual by the name of Burgess Hill. The bloody ref didn't even book him. Silly sod.

The huge Margate away support, who included Tony T. (See this) , were hoping to enjoy a cup of English Kerosene cancer inducing tea at half-time when the diminutive Ashford winger Scott "Tiny" Nohope somehow meandered between the legs of Justin Skinner then beat a worm before crossing delightfully for one of his colleagues to head home from 2 yards out. Little Scott was on cloud nine as was Burgess Hill, who then insulted a Margate fan by calling him something rather rude. A moment or two later the half-time whistle blew and the side who were sublime against Horsham and Hendon seemed to be out of sorts as they strode back to the dressing noroom.

The second half was more pulsating, as a result, the planes seemed to divert their path a touch so a clearer view of the game could be had - one of benefits of flying Al-Jazeera Airways from London Heathrow. Despite going close on a couple of occasions, kicking towards the "M25 end" in the second-half, Margate had to settle for a 1-1 draw. Not the best preparation before the Boxing Day clash-of-heads at Ramschavgate.

Luckily, there were no serious injuries to any of the Margate team despite playing against the aggressive Ashford Town side, who clearly get their inspiration from their Internet site's Webmaster, Mr Len Wellard!

So it's to be Ramsgate on Boxing Day. The two sides have not meet in a league encounter since the 1972/3 season. ( more on this here)


FINAL SCORE TODAY

Air Pollution (Middx.) 1 Margate FC 1

Iran - what a lovely place it is

Iran Bans Da Vinci Code

Bestsellers and literary classics on Iran's Index Librorum Prohibitorum

Iran's extremist cultural ministry has announced a crackdown on publishing, banning a list of classic works as well as modern foreign and Iranian novels in an attempt to end what it describes as a "poisoned dish to the young generation."

Along with Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code, Tracy Chevalier's best-seller Girl With a Pearl Earring and books of lyrics by bands like The Beatles, Queen and The Rolling Stones will be prohibited. Contemporary Iranian writers, some of whom are feted outside Iran, will no longer be published in their home country, while pre-revolutionary novels will also be banned.

The Guardian quotes the culture minister Mohammed Hossein Saffar Harandi - a close ally of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad:

"We have complaints against those who see books as only a market and are acting as assistants for evil... Sometimes the humiliation of Iranian youth is implied or suggested in the books. Sometimes the media transmits the concept that we Muslims and easterners lack proper means and, therefore, we should stretch our hands towards others."

Culture ministry spokesmen complain that under the rule of Ahmadinejad's reforming predecessor Mohammed Khatami, the Islamist regime relaxed its grip too much, creating "a climate encouraging immoral behaviour, sex before marriage, mockery of religious traditions and secularism."

English Language - usage and abusage.

Had to laugh on the way back to Euston from Manchester ( the 15.11) earlier today. The Virgin train "manager" came on the intercom and delivered in his best gutteral, "nah wot I meen" dialect and uttered something like - "the twain will be stoppin' at Stoke-on-Twent soas we can sort out the electrix". He continued bravely. "we will be there for about four to five minutes".

Unfortunately, the speed of his oration, meant that certain fellow passengers ( or customers, as they are now called) thought he said "Fawty-five". "Oh my Gawd"! shreiked the chavette over to my left. (She was no doubt pondering about the fact that her assignation with "Terry" or "Lee" would be delayed) Within a few seconds normal service had resumed, as our magnificent train manager, realising the error of his ways, slowly repeated over the intercom "four......to......five minutes.....so about five minutes, not fawtyfive minutes". Ironic applause would have been heard all over the Potteries.

You see, this could have been avoided if one just enounciated one's speech a little better.

Aw wight!